


Hate is a Strong Word

by charlesss



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Deceit Sanders Being An Asshole, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Villain Deceit Sanders, and then steals all the cleaning supplies so that nobody can clean up the mess, but he makes a bigger mess out of that mess, but whatever it gets fixed anyway, he's not the cause for the first mess, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 18:48:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15516261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlesss/pseuds/charlesss
Summary: All five sides fall victim to the Dragon Witch's spell, which transforms you into the person you hate the most...Or:Virgil has issues, Deceit is an asshole, and there's three snakes in the room that don't understand as much as they think they do.





	1. Deceptions

Virgil had seen some weird shit over the years. Such was life when you were a facet of someone's personality, running around in someone's mind all day. He'd seen it all, from tiny versions of his friends riding mice around a toy racetrack to tap-dancing snakes having a dance-off with break-dancing rabbits. Suffice it to say that Virgil wasn't surprised by much anymore.

  


But this? Yeah, this was definitely new. 

  


It was an ordinary day, as far as he could tell. He'd woken up feeling a bit more tired than usual, but overall he felt better than usual. He spent about ten minutes getting ready for the day, most of that time being used to apply his eyeshadow, but was soon running down the steps towards the living room of the mind palace.

  


And dear god, nothing could prepare him for seeing three Deceits all sitting on the couch, staring at him as he walked down. He froze on the bottom step, mouth hung open in silent confusion as the three looked at each other. 

  


“Why, hello, Deceit,” the one on the far left scoffed. “How wonderful of you to join us.”

  


“Uh… what?” Virgil managed to ask, still staring at the trio of snake-themed sides. “Can someone please explain…” he trailed off, then waved his hands at the trio, “this?”

  


“Roman managed to annoy the Dragon Witch again, who cast a spell on all the sides which transforms us into the side we dislike the most,” the Deceit in the middle obliged, his voice and tone too similar to Logan's to be anyone else.

  


“Oh,” Virgil said, feeling a weight appear in the pit of his stomach.  _ They're all going to know how much I hate myself, then, once they realize that I'm not Deceit… _

  


“So, I'm guessing you three are Patton, Logan and Roman?” Virgil asked, pointing at the far right, then middle, then far left Deceit. 

  


“Yes,” said Logan pointedly. “You would be correct in assumption.”

  


“I wonder which one of us Deceit looks like,” Virgil thought out loud. Roman glared at him, then rolled his eyes.

  


“Nice try, Scale-face, but we know it's you. We'll be able to prove it, too, when the real Virgil comes down here,” he huffed, crossing his arms. Virgil took a deep breath, trying to calm the nervousness in his stomach. 

  


“Whatever,” he said after a moment, letting his old apathetic tone take over. He sighed, walking into the kitchen to grab a bowl and some cereal. Halfway through pouring the milk into his bowl of Lucky Charms, he had decided to wait this stupid spell thing out in his room, and when he was sure it was over, he'd come out and pretend to have slept through the whole thing. Or had been too scared to come out of his room while looking like Deceit.

  


It would be easier that way, for everyone. He could forget about it, and they'd never have to know.

  


°•°

  


It became apparent by lunchtime that the other sides would not cooperate with his plans. Luckily, they hadn't gone so far as to come into his room without his permission, but they kept knocking on his door and asking if he was okay, and pretending to be asleep had only worked for so long.

  


“Virgil, I know you're in there, and I know you're probably very confused as to what's going on right now, but it's okay! None of us will be mad at you or afraid of you if you come out,” Patton had said after offering to come in and give some cookies to the youngest side.

  


“We don't care what you look like right now, Scrooge McDarkness,” Roman had offered consolingly. “We just want to see you!”

  


“It would be illogical of us to fault you for looking differently when you are unable to shapeshift back to normal today,” Logan had tried, attempting to tap into what emotions he did have. “We understand if you're uncomfortable with showing yourself right now, but know that we won't be angry with you in any way.”

  


Virgil had responded to each attempt to draw him out of his room with silence. He knew from his experience earlier that day that they would not, in fact, be accepting of his current form. Was it so hard to believe that he was himself?

  


Perhaps they didn't want to accept the truth, for his sake, or for their own. Virgil didn't want to accept it either. Did he really hate himself after all the others had done for him? They had been so kind, so accepting, so  _ wonderful _ to him now that he was part of the famILY, but now….

  


Then again, if he were in their shoes, he wasn't sure he would accept it either.

  


°•°

  


“Patton” appeared in his room around dinnertime, the narrowed eyes and scowl on his face giving away the deception. Patton was notoriously chipper, and currently stuck as Deceit, so there was no way this imposter could be anyone but snake-face himself. Virgil should have known what this meant for him, but he was too tired to care.

  


“Hello,  _ Virgil _ ,” he cooed, his sour tone contradicting the sugar in his voice. “Having a nice day, are we?”

  


“Get out,” Virgil spat back, not feeling up to fighting with him. “I'm not in the mood for this.”

  


“Too bad,” Deceit said with a smirk. “I want some fun. Let's have some, shall we?”

  


With that, he grabbed Virgil's wrist and brought them to the kitchen, where three Deceits sat around the table having a silent dinner. All three of them froze as Virgil and “Patton” rose from the ground, all hints of malice wiped from the real Deceit's face.

  


“I'm sorry,” he whispered, convincing tears welling up in his eyes. “I'm so sorry, Patton! I didn't want you to see this, I didn't want you to think… I didn't want you to think that I hated you!” he cried out in faux shame and despair, falling to his knees. Virgil stood there awkwardly, his brows pressed together in confusion. 

  


“It's okay, kiddo. I'm not mad, I understand,” one of the Deceits whispered, though there was no mistaking the hurt in his voice. He stood up and walked straight past Virgil, giving him a quick glare for good measure, then wrapped Deceit in a hug.

  


“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I-” Deceit cut off with an extremely convincing sob, quivering in a tight ball as Patton wrapped him in an undeserved hug. Virgil stared for a moment, unable to express in words how uncomfortable the situation made him.

  


“You have no right to be here after bringing him out like that!” one of the Deceits hissed, standing up from his spot at the table. It was abundantly clear that this one was Roman, based on his unnecessarily pronounced expressions and passionate words. “You don't belong here, you monster!”

  


“Roman, you may be overdoing it-” Logan cut in, a conflicted look on his face.

  


“I don't care!” Roman interrupted, still glaring at Virgil. “He's only hurt us, hurt our  _ family _ . He should  _ not _ be here.”

  


“Fine,” Virgil said finally, cursing himself silently for the way his voice broke at the end of the word. “Fine. You got me, I'll go.”

  


He disappeared, not wanting to bother with sinking out or walking all the way up the stairs. He didn't want to bother with  _ anything _ right now, or ever. He flopped down on his bed and bit back tears. This was the worst day he'd ever had, and it wasn't even his fault this time!

  


Or was it?

  


If he had hated Deceit, just like everybody else, this wouldn't have happened. If he didn't hate himself so damn much, this wouldn't have happened. If he'd have stayed around that morning to prove he was really Virgil, none of this would have happened.

  


It was his fault. He felt horrible, Patton was likely heartbroken, Roman was livid, Logan was concerned, and Deceit was having the time of his life and it was  _ all his fault. _

_   
_

Virgil let out a sob and curled in on himself, not noticing the rapid pounding on his door only moments later. Sleep took him exceptionally quickly, and for that, he couldn't be more happy.


	2. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The others realize what Deceit did, and rush to Virgil's room to apologise.

Patton first realized that something was wrong when the crying side he'd been holding started laughing uncontrollably in the middle of sobbing. He second realized that something was wrong when he looked up to see a completely normal looking Roman and Logan staring back at him.

 

He finally realized something was wrong when the previously crying side stood up, showing scales forming around his left eye. His blue polo and beige cardigan gave way to a black cloak with yellow accents, and a bowlers hat appeared in his gloved hand for him to set on his head.

 

“That was quite fun,” he said with a grin, placing his hands together in front of his chest. He tapped his fingers against each other as the other three sides looked around in shock, realizing what this meant for Virgil. 

 

“We messed up,” Roman whispered, his eyes wide and brows furrowed. “We really, really messed up.”

 

“Y-yeah,” Patton agreed, his breathing becoming increasingly shallow as he thought about his actions. “We… we…”

 

“You what? You abandoned your friend, alienating him from the group when he already felt nervous and out of place?” Deceit offered innocently. Logan stood up, fists balled and nostrils flared in rage.

 

“Leave,” he said, voice terrifyingly calm. “Now.”

 

Deceit help up his hands in mock surrender before sinking out, leaving behind a sense of guilt and anxiety in the air.

 

“We need to find him,” Logan said as soon as the snake had left. “He's likely in his room.”

 

Patton was already halfway up the stairs at this point, and the other two weren't far behind. Somehow, Roman nearly beat Patton to the door, though Logan took a bit longer than the other two had.

 

“Try the handle first,” he offered, but Patton quickly determined that it was locked, and decided to pound on the door with his fist.

 

“Kiddo? Kiddo!! Please come out, we-”

 

Roman pulled his hand away from the door, giving him a very distressed look.

 

“Calm down, padre! You're going to make him more anxious than he likely already is! We need to apologise as soon as possible, yes, but we can't go about it like this,” he explained. Patton looked down ashamedly. 

 

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I just feel so bad after all that.”

 

“It's okay, but you should tell him that, not me.” 

 

“If you guys are done with this, could we just go in already? You seem to have forgotten that we can sink in and out rooms in the mindscape at will,” Logan finally said, and the other two blinked for a moment before turning back to him sheepishly.

 

“Right,” Roman chuckled nervously. “I remembered that.”

 

“Sure,” Logan scoffed, but gave him a smile nonetheless. He then closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he was surrounded by darkness and knew that had arrived in Virgil's room.

 

°•°

 

Virgil awoke to whispering coming from his right. He couldn't quite make out the words at first, but as he listened, he could hear that all three sides were in his room, talking about waking him up. He almost decided to sit up and yell, just to scare them, but then the events of the day came back to him, and….

 

He decided against it.

 

Instead, he stayed perfectly still, trying his best to choke back the sob in his throat. They probably didn't even know that he'd been disguised as himself the whole day, so they probably didn't know how much they had hurt him.

 

He didn't hold it against them at all - how could he? It wasn't exactly their fault that all this had happened. He just wasn't ready to talk to them for a while. He'd probably be better by morning, unless it was already morning, in which case, he needed to sleep more, because he was still exhausted.

 

“Virgil?” Patton asked quietly, his tone so gentle that it hurt. Virgil went stiff, then cursed himself for it, hoping the others wouldn't notice in the darkness of the room.

 

“We saw that,” Roman said, as if reading his thoughts. “We know you're awake.”

 

“Go away,” Virgil responded after a minute, not caring that his voice sounded so small, so weak. “I don't want to talk right now.”

 

“We'll leave,” Patton started, and Virgil breathed a sigh of relief, “after we apologise.”

 

Wait, what?

 

“We didn't listen to you this morning when you told us you were really you, and we treated you horribly during dinner simply because we didn't believe you,” Roman explained. “That wasn't okay, Virgil. We are so, so sorry.”

 

“You are?” Virgil asked sitting up and turning to face the others. 

 

“Yes,” Logan said, squatting to look at Virgil better, “we are.”

 

Like a dam, it all broke down, leaving Virgil with shuddering breaths and tears in his eyes. He began to sob, and didn't stop when Patton held him tight in his arms, didn't stop when Roman came around the bed to hug him from the back, didn't stop when Logan whispered loving comments into his ear as he played with his hair.

 

“I'm sorry,” he whispered between choked cries. “I'm sorry that I hate myself so much, that Deceit was able to trick you because of me, that he hurt you because of me, that-”

 

“Don't be sorry for that,” Patton whispered somewhat forcefully, pressing Virgil tighter into the embrace. “You don't have to be sorry for  _ any _ of this.”

 

“We were the ones who messed up,” Logan admitted. “You did nothing wrong.”

 

“We're the only ones who need to do better,” Roman added. “We need to let you know that you're loved, that we love you so, so much.”

 

_ “I know,” _ Virgil whispered, his words almost getting caught in his throat. A wave of relief washed over him, and he relaxed in their arms.

 

_ “I know.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might be a third part to this later, but this is all I had planned. I hope you liked it! Remember that it's okay to open up to people in your life and get help if you're not comfortable with who you are.
> 
> You are loved

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying out having more space between the paragraphs, but idk if I like it... Speaking of liking things, I hope you liked this first chapter!


End file.
